shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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