Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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