Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
