She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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