I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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