I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
