Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's never too late to be topless.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
