so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize