Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
