We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
