I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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