Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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