It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
