Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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