my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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