Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
