Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize