And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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