you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
