Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
