she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize