My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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