oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
