if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
