what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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