There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
