sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
