Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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