I want to make a zoo with you.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
