ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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