After last night, I could never be a politician.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
