watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
