What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
