She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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