I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
