i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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