once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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