; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
