Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Randomize
