I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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