weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
