Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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