I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
