just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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