I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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