hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
