Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
