and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize