whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
