Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
