I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
