whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you had me at cake vodka
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
