It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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