You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize