If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just gift wrapped bread.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
