On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
