he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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