She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
