Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
