meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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