somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
