I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
