Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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