She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Come on in and take your pants off
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