my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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