i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
