my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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