is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize