I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
