So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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