this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
