Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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