So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
