And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
