So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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