I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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