mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Boobs speak an international language.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
