So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
There's even glitter on my cock...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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