Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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