I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
