dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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