I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
