o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
