You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
