the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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