Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This can only be settled by a dance off.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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