We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
