i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
whose ass print is on the piano?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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