can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
