Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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