It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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