So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
