I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize