Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
