she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
