dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
