so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
