goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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