Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
