You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
