I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
