Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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