Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
be right there i have to get my cape
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
